Plantronics

Benjy can spot a Plantronics head set from a mile away.  Or on tonight's episode of "Chuck".

xoxo

EVICTION COMPLETED!

She's outta my room.  In her pack 'n play next to her crib.  But out of my room, and that is what counts!  Next step....getting rid of the pink and lavender.


xoxo

It's cheaper than the vet

When we took Kiva in for her last ear pillow problem, the vet was kind enough to mention that this month they were having a special....$100 off of teeth cleaning.  Yes, I said "off".  Two problems with that sentence.  Obviously the "off" part.  But also that her breath is so bad it needs a discussion.  I agree.  That girl's breath is rank.  So we took matters into our own hands.

And I think they are a little better.  We still have the whole third ear growing thing but that's an entirely different post.  Oh, and we later found out the "off" price was $400.


xoxo

"N' is for....

Every week at Makenna's school they focus on a letter.  They do tons of activities around the letter.  One of which is to take the letter and glue things that start with it.  This week was "n".

Do you see it?  Do you see that those are friggin' NAILS!!!  Um yeah.  Not noodles, or pictures of noses.  Or hell, even photos of nails I'd take.  They gave a room of 5 year olds nails and glue.  With a side of Tetanus.


xoxo

The hurricane

Safiya was born in a town named Hadiya.  We have lovingly nicknamed her the Hurricane from Hadiya because whenever she enters a room, all items around her become their own messed up entity.  Here is a small example.  Oh, she also has a runny nose....so ignore the shiny top lip


xoxo

Here I am

Definitely slacked off on the posts.  But I warned you.  I warned you when I started that I didn't stick to anything.  But, I'll try to get back on it.  We do have a lot of catching up to do.

Makenna had a birthday party for her bestest friend at a park.  The best photos from the day are the two of them together.  But, I don't have her mama's permission to post them.  So you get Makenna flying down the curly slide.



xoxo

Happy St. Patrick's Day

xoxo

Sicky

Now, she is really sick.  :-(

xoxo

Tutu cute

Makenna has a little cold.  And nothing makes a cold feel better than tutus from nana.


xoxo

San Fran

We went to San Francisco for the weekend.  It is always a lovely time.  The weather was perfect, we had a great time, and on the way to the park we happened upon a St. Patrick's day parade.


xoxo

Hidden Binkies

We have a LOT of binkies around this place.  Like,  a lot.  And with the recent introduction of "load the bed with binkies so as not to have to wake up", I need to have 3 or 4 on hand every nap.  This morning, I was down to 1.  One binkie.  I KNEW I put 3 in bed with her last night and then this morning, one.  Looked under the blanket, under the doll, under the bed, under the mattress.  Nothing.  Then, when I was going through the little side thing that holds the diapers, this is what I found.

Nice of her to put them away, don't cha think.

xoxo

Eviction notice

Safiya has been given an eviction notice.  She needs to be in her own crib in her own room.  The notice said by her birthday but, of course, the landlord is somewhat flexible.  She has chosen to ignore her notice. I threatened that I am friends with a Sheriff and I will bring her in to mediate the situation if necessary.  To which she responded by blowing raspberries.  This is her pack n play during her one and ONLY nap that has been taken in her crib since the notice was given.

xoxo

I'm bummed

After my grandparents died (they died about 3 months apart) I was able to get two of the settings of rings my grandma had.   I gave one to my sister and I have one.  It was my grandma's wedding set and I had to take it to a jeweler extraordinaire to put it back together as much as possible.  I had the center stone made, I don't know something purple.  Here is the ring.

I have no idea where it is.  I don't know when it fell out.  I was at a school, the grocery store, my office, several treatment rooms, the bank, the babysitter's, Makenna's school, my car, and my own house. No idea.  The guy who fixed it doesn't really work anymore.  So I have to take it to this magical place in San Francisco called the Jewelry Mart.  You have to have the secret handshake or something to get in.  My mother-in-law knows the special knock.  I picked up this same ring last year when I lost a diamond.  A diamond that small is much cheaper to replace.  So I'm bummed.

On a side note.  Someone had spaghetti for the first time with sauce.

xoxo

6 months

Safiya has been with us for 6 months.  With any child 6 months is a big milestone.  At 6 months, a biological child is just starting to sit up.  They are a little more independent.  They are, hopefully, sleeping a little more.  At 6 months you start to feel a little more human.  6 months home with Safiya and we have our own milestones.  6 months ago, she couldn't roll over.  Now she can walk.  6 months ago she didn't make eye contact with us.  Today she gave me a kiss for the first time. 6 months ago she didn't sleep through the night.  Oh right, that's still happening.   6 months ago she could only eat 2 oz at a time.  Now she can eat adult food.  6 months ago, she lived thousands of miles away.  And today she is home.  So much is going through my head about these last 6 months.  And although I love to make you all think this blog is for you,  it's also for my kids.  Call it a makeshift baby book.  So, here are some thoughts I have about these last 6 months.  Thoughts that surprised me.



Guilt
I can't believe the amount of guilt I have at various times.  It started in Ethiopia.  Overwhelming guilt that we were taking her away from her country.  From her people.  That we took her away from the only caregiver she had ever known.  We talked about this with our agency director and her response was simple "You have seen her alternative".  And she was right.  The other day I had this overwhelming thought and said to Benjy "If she hadn't come home, I wonder if anyone would have ever known how smart she is.  How much potential she has".  And then I was overcome with guilt for having that thought.

There is also guilt for Makenna.  I know the bratzilla she was heading to be being an only child.  And I knew we were about to rock her world when we were getting off of the plane after traveling for 2 days to introduce her to her sister.  I feel guilty for the decreased mommy time she now gets.  For the hours and hours of television she has watched while I put the baby down for various naps.  I feel guilty when I look forward to Fridays because she is at school and I have 1 on 1 time with Safiya.   Oh those days are so much easier.   I feel guilty when she says things like "People sure do love the baby" after the millionth person has talked to and commented on Safiya when we are out in public.  Maybe, that's sadness for her.  It's a grey area.  I could kiss the people who address Makenna first.  It's few and far between but I KNOW those people get it.  I feel guilty when I lose my patience with her for her obvious attention getting techniques.

I feel guilty for being a white mommy with a brown baby.  I don't know if I can educate myself enough. I don't know how to do her hair.  Although I just bought my first sample kit to try out some new products.  I feel guilty because I didn't know the purplish blotch on her back was a Mongolian Spot.  My friend had to tell me.  I feel guilty because I didn't know if she needed sun screen.



Regret
That sounds like such a harsh word.  And let me preface this by saying that feeling came in the early days.  Those first days and even weeks home were hard. Really Really hard.  And more than once I had the feeling of "what have I done."  I wanted it so much and now I couldn't believe I had wanted it.  It's hard to go from sleeping to not sleeping.  To go back to devoting every second of my day to someone else.  To go back to wondering when the last time I showered or brushed my teeth was.  And to do all of that with a little person who wanted NOTHING to do with me made it so much worse.  It is so hard to rock a baby to sleep who refuses to look at you.  It's hard to hold her when she is pushing against you.  Because of her malnutrition, she had never had a full belly.  So once she knew that was an option, she would scream.  And I mean scream.  Like a sheep being murdered in our house.  The neighbors would hear her.  Once she would eat, her tummy would hurt because she wasn't use to having that much food.  So she would do the scream to get more food.  But she wasn't hungry, she just thought she was.  The only way to make the scream stop was to feed her.  See the cycle?  Those days were the worst.  I couldn't imagine a time when that would end and I would feel happy to hold this screaming baby.  Obviously, they ended.

Bitterness/Grateful 

I'm really really bitter at our agency. Even though we had an incredibly smooth adoption considering what the alternatives are, they screwed up.....a lot.  The amount of stress we had at some points was completely unnecessary.  I also can't say with 100% certainty that they are ethical.  I have no evidence to say otherwise.  It's just a feeling.  On more than one occasion we were told we would be able to meet her birth family.  We offered to travel to see them.  To pay for any expenses.  We were told that would happen.  It didn't.  We never received an explanation.  How can someone who vows to help adopted children not do the one thing that will help them feel connected to their birth family?  It doesn't make sense.  The other side of the bitterness coin is gratefulness.  Without them, I would not have her.

I'm also bitter for what our experience was in Ehtiopia.  I hear families talk about how wonderful their trip was.  How they fell in love with Ethiopia.  How they can't wait to go back.  Us?  Not so much.  We were the ONLY family there.  We had no one to talk to.  We did NO site seeing because we didn't have anyone to help us.  Any time we asked to go anywhere we were rushed from one place to another.  Almost like he was checking us off his "to do" list for the day.  I'm sad I don't have that love for her country.  We absolutely plan on going back.  When they are older and can understand what we are seeing and doing. And we will go with a guide.

I didn't know she wasn't doing it..
There are so many things I didn't realize she didn't do, until she starts doing them.  For so long she didn't laugh.  And then one day I tickled her and she laughed.  It took her a long time to learn to cry.  Georgia says she learned it didn't get her anywhere, so she didn't do it.  We actually had to teach her to cry.  She is very very good at it now.  She didn't let me comfort her when she was sad.  I excused it away for awhile until I decided I needed to address it.  She didn't get upset when I left the room.  Now she only gets upset if she is sad or tired.  If she is happily playing then she's fine if she can't see me.  She still doesn't mind being left at the babysitters.  She didn't cuddle until the last few weeks.  Now she'll rest her head on my shoulder and pat my back.  She didn't give kisses, and today she did.  Every day she becomes a little more comfortable with us.  I'm waiting for that day when she learns that I'm indispensable.


Little things I have learned.
Georgia told us that when we are with the baby be with the baby.  Meaning, be on the floor with her.  Play with her.  Hold her.  The dishes can wait.  You can always wear clothes twice.  But she needs us to BE with her.  This has probably been the most valuable piece of advice I have ever had.  Some days I can't stand my house.  Dishes from breakfast are still sitting at bedtime.  Baskets of laundry in various stages of cleanliness are in every room.  But those days, I was WITH her.  And I can tell those days make a difference.  Those days have helped us become even closer.

Nothing is forever.  For the first 3 months she was home, she would only sleep at nap if I held her.  So I did.  An hour and a half twice a day, every day.  (thus the hours and hours of TV Makenna has watched).  I became very good friends with my iPod.  They helped her get her much needed sleep and I think helped her learn to trust me.  She knew that she could go to sleep and wake up and see the same face.  But, I had to go back to work and couldn't very well ask the babysitter to do that.  And, it would also be bad for attachment.  So I worked.  First, keeping her in the same position but laying down on the bed.  Then laying down on the bed touching.  Then laying on the bed a foot away.  Then sitting at the foot of the bed.  Then getting her into her own crib.  It didn't seem possible but she now naps in her pack n play by herself.  She couldn't sleep through the night.  Slowly we have been able to tweak a bottle or change her blankets and she can sleep for 6 or  7 hours.  She was waking up because she couldn't find her binkie.  So I started putting about 3 or 4 binkies in every night and she sleeps better now.  I think it is called a "target rich environment."  Things that seem so hard can be changed.  You just have to work at it.

Would I do it again?
5 months ago I would have laughed at that question.  3 months ago I would have laughed.  Now I laugh for a completely different reason.  I would absolutely do this again.  I think it is harder than giving birth.  Even though Makenna's birth was horrible and pretty darn scary, I felt like I had a teenie tiny bit of control for a little while.  I controlled what I ate, what I did, where I went.  With adoption you have zippo for control.  Everything is at the mercy of some agency or government.  All of your dreams are wrapped up in some paperwork that someone you will never meet looks at and decides if you will be a good parent.  Everyone is a good parent on paper.

So that's it.  That's my thoughts at 6 months old.  Sometimes it feels like 6 years.  Sometimes it feels like 6 minutes.  I can't believe she is already starting to be a toddler.  It feels like we just entered baby hood and now we are leaving.  I am so in awe at the beautiful family I have.  I wonder what this post will be 6 months from now.

xoxo

Georgia

Georgia is our Social Worker. And she is one of the most amazing women I have ever known.  She was a nun in the 60's and lived in a vow of silence.  IN THE 60'S.  She is making up for lost time now, though.  She has biological and adopted children from all over the globe.  She has worked in orphanages and has devoted her life to helping children who are adopted.  She has lost one child to murder and has helped another child through Reactive Attachment Disorder, which is when a child rejects their adoptive parents in one of the most severe ways.  She knows everything there is to know about attachment.  Even though she has finished this adoption with us, she will always only be one phone call away.  Something I am so thankful for.  Our last post placement meeting was today.  And she thinks Safiya is doing amazing!

xoxo

Queen No Teefa

Big day at our house.  BIG day.  Miss Makenna lost her first tooth.  She actually pulled it out herself.  Right before lunch it was able to fold down and touch her bottom lip.  After a PB& J sandwich, it was holding on by a thin thin.....well whatever holds those things on.  So I told her to try to pull it and she said it was too slippery.  So I told her to try again, and out it came.  I thought for sure she would be a mess.  It's a pretty big deal.  Nothing.  No affect whatsoever.  I was crying.  She was....poker faced.  And has been all day.  I'm guessing she's processing.

Because the second part of the loosing of the tooth is the tooth fairy.  Who long ago was banned from entering her room.  We've had a plan for months that we would leave it in a bag on her door with a note so that no strange fairy would enter her room.  This is it in the bag.

And this is the sign.  Seriously.  4 arrows?  Read between the lines.  "You will not, under any circumstances enter my room little miss weird take teeth fairy".  Tonight she said "I don't wake up when people open my door."  So I said that she wouldn't come in the room because of the sign and she said "She won't steal my toys."  Um, what?  This whole no fairy in my room thing was because she was afraid her toys would get stolen?  Oy.

And, on a side note, here is a preview of coming attractions.   Benjy and Makenna were in the car the other day having a conversation about her imaginary rocket ship.  He was asking questions and she finally said "You know those things you put in to listen to music?  I'm putting them in."  And she proceeded to put in her imaginary ear buds so as not to have to continue the conversation.  I nearly peed.

xoxo

Delayed start

Monday and Wednesday night dinners at my house suck.  Well, all dinners at my house suck.  But they suck even more on these nights.  By the time I get both girls picked up and we get home it is 6:00.  They go to bed at 7.  Safiya will have a fit at 7:01.  Makenna can last longer. So we usually end up eating turkey sandwiches or (god forbid) McDonald's.   Enter the Delay Start button on the oven.  We discovered it by chance and gave it a whirl tonight.  Set it to start at 4:30 and end at 5:30.  I came home to a nice smelling house and a warm chicken fettucini dinner.  Fabulous.

xoxo